every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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