I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
