So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
My penis needs a shock collar
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
