just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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