i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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