All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Randomize
