Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
