rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
