Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
