Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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