He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
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