I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
