just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
