I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
