apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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