oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
