I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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