I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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