i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
