Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
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