And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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