just come out here and I will go home with you...
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
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