And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
