I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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