Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
