apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
