I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
