escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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