I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
