Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
