I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
