Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
