Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
