K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize