I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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