sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
