At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
It all started with a game of naked twister.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
