dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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