Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
