around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize