Her vagina should come with caution tape.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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