I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
