i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize