Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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