Non-Jews are for practice
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
