Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
