So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
