when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
