I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
