I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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