Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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