Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
His hands were made for my vagina.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
