it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
