I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
