I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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