I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
