nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
