I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
COCAINE IS GR8
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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