I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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