so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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