Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
