I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
there's paper in my vomit.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Houston, we have a blender
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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