who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
