So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
