why do cheetos always look like penises
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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