goodnight i made you a song goodbye
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
