there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
