her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I think i got beer on your cat.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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