Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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