he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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