My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
