it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
