ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
