I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
