About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
