My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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