Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Randomize
