I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
