i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
