Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
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