He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
