So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
