4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I can text with my tongue
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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