Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
