Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
