false alarm. still invincible.
what day is it and did you see me today?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Still dying that you shit outside
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I'm both gender and math confused
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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