Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
