I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
