i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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