maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
