She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
