Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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