i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
PANTIES FOUND
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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