Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
