If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
