You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
