my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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