I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize