And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
