dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
