somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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