WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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