just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
