I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
