i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
