Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
This is classic penis vs brain.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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