i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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