Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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